If you're reading this, chances are, you're probably hiding in a corner with your laptop, actively trying to avoid the company of less-than-favourite relatives, or already dreading the post-Christmas lineup at stores to exchange gifts you didn't like. Welcome, my friends. You are my people.
Since Halloween ended, haven't you felt the chill in the air? Felt the hustle bustle and the anxiety of dealing with pushy store clerks? What about the endless stream of lousy Christmas music blaring at every corner? It's enough to make this girl an outright Scrooge.
The Dreaded Feast: Writers on Enduring the Holidays
Michele Clark and others, 2009
Writers reflect on the downside of the holidays. Extended family, buying presents for people you don't like, neighbours who put their lights up in October and don't take them down till March...and how to survive it all.
Wrapped in Seduction
Lisa Renee Jones and others, 2009
Tired of the typical feel-good Christmas tale? Why not try a different type of feel-good story? (Sorry, that's terrible. I know.)
In this sizzling collection of holiday-themed erotica, you've got titles like Hot For Santa, Wrapped in Holly, and Mistletoe Bliss.
You probably won't be needing that fire to keep you warm after all.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
Dr. Seuss, 1957
A classic tale of the original Grinch. It's hard not to admire him, no? I mean, he got sick of the darned spirited Whos down in Who-Ville and he made it a mission to steal their joy. You may not want to go that far (please don't trip any mall Santas!) but this vintage read may have you cackling and rubbing your hands together in evil glee. Settle down with the kids and have a go at this one. Be careful, though: heartwarming ending ahead...ugh.
Holidays on Ice
David Sedaris, 2008
Called one of "the funniest writers alive", David Sedaris shares holiday pain and joy (but mostly pain) in a collection of stories, including Santa Land Diaries, a semi-autobiographical account of his time working as one of Santa's elves in a department store. Picture runny-nosed brats, brawling shoppers, and an elf costume not designed for comfort.
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever
Barbara Robinson, 1972
Here's another classic kids' book that is worth (re)reading. The Herdmans are the worst bunch of children in the history of the world. No, really: they're a bunch of lying, thieving arsonists that have no qualms about smoking your cigars and slapping your kids. So no one is prepared when this outlaw family invades church one Sunday and decides to take over the annual Christmas pageant. Any idealistic notions of a calm, serene Christmas just went out the window...
Whether you're a true Grinch or just get slightly grumpy around the holidays, be sure to make the best of it. I hope you avoided the mall crowds and shopped online, ditched taking on the big family dinner alone and did a jumbo potluck - whatever works best! Be sure to also check out Maureen's write-up of Christmas reads too (complete with store elf encounter!) After all, 'tis the season to be jolly...or so I've heard.